Sunday, May 10, 2009

Rejected By Daddy

Posted by Pamela at 10:00 PM







I've been away for a while, dealing with some transition issues.

But black sissy's recent comments got me thinking about an experience I had with a guy several years ago, the last time I was on hormones. Let's take the Wayback Machine to 2003, shall we?...

The setting: a quasi-illegal warehouse party in a semi-run down part of town. I say quasi-illegal because I'm sure they didn't have a liquor license. The bartendresses were drunker than the patrons. The party space was a crazy maze of garishly decorated rooms filled with costumed revelers falling over each other. The whole thing was a playful riotous confusion of sights, sounds, colors, textures, and bodies.. or maybe I was just high. I went up to the rooftop bar, illuminated with string lights, looking out onto the sparkling lights of the city.

I ran into a man I knew. He was an ex-boyfriend of a friend of a friend - you know how it goes. He had a reputation - a dominant daddy, very possessive, into the S&M scene. He worked out, always wore black, usually in leather pants, salt and pepper hair. As far as I knew, he was straight as an arrow, with a thing for younger women - hence his entry into my extended friend circle. He was there alone that night. To my surprise, he started chatting me up. Then his arm was around my waist. Somehow he smooth talked me into going with him behind the boundary fence, set up by the hosts to separate the party area from the rest of the empty rooftop.

The next thing I knew, I was on all fours, skirt hiked up, panties yanked forcefully down, being fingered from behind. First one finger.. then in slid a second one... just as he was going for a third, another voice cut in: "Is that real!?"
A very drunken reveler had wandered over, and was standing over us. He was obviously confused to see Zorro fingering Frida Kahlo, who had a dick. He wasn't sure if what he was seeing was real.
"Yes. Now go away." I hissed. The drunk stumbled off, dazed.

Zorro whisked me off in his convertible, over the bridge, to his modernist condo.

He played games with me all night on the couch, while his new girlfriend slept at the other end of the house. She knew I was there.
He was nearly crazed - spankings, blowjobs, fingering, toys. No kissing though. For a straight guy, he had no problems working around the fact I had a penis. He even suggested fucking me while I fucked his girlfriend. I wasn't sure it was such a good idea. Besides, I had set my boundaries for this scene at penetration.

Dawn's early light. We'd been at it for hours, and I was fading. I pulled myself together as best I could, and he drove me back over the bridge.
He held my hand, Frida's hand. He was attracted to me as Frida.
Then came the moment when I realized he didn't understand me at all.
"Why do you like pretending to be a girl?"
"Well... hormonally, I AM a girl now."
Reflexively he pulled his hand away, as if he suddenly realized he'd been holding a snake or fire.
"Why are you taking female hormones?"
"I'm experimenting. I want to see how it feels. Find out if it's right for me."
Was he freaked out by my body modification? By the medical details? Did he like me better when he thought I was a boy dressed as a girl for kicks or kink, rather than a girl in a boy's body?
We rode the rest of the way back in silence.
He dropped me off at home, and I never heard from him again.

4 comments:

magdelyn on Tue May 12, 09:25:00 PM PDT said...

In reply to your question below: Probably. I did check in as Magdelyn though, since that is the information they have on their computer. And my resume said Maggie. I was going to write the SF Weekly, and bitch them out about the "umbrella" transgender...but I didn't get around to it.

The SF Weekly wasn't mistaking you for an unemployed straight guy, were they?

Unemployed Straight Guys Attend Transgender Job Fair

http://www.sfweekly.com/2009-05-06/news/unemployed-straight-guys-attend-transgender-job-fair/

Anonymous said...

Your experience has reminded me of some of my own experiences where i have been pushed away after having been pulled near. The most vivid of which was a night when i was with a guy i met at the famous Queen Mary. He took me to a hotel and he had me anyway he wanted me. In the morning i woke up and he was gone. I was scared and i felt like crap. I felt rejected and cheap and i had no idea if had "caught" something. I felt so alone after that...so thrown away. Others may enjoy that kind of treatment but i didn't.

Veronica on Sat May 30, 08:34:00 AM PDT said...

Hi! I just started a little blog at Delicious V. Yours is sooo good, do you have any tips? Also, how do you create that feed thingy? Some sites even have pics, its amazing!

Anonymous said...

Hey Pamala.

I've been reading your blog for a while now and I really like what you are doing withit now. All the stories are so real and everything comes from the heart.

Good luck to you and keep up the good work here.

 

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